photo from http://www.greatwedding-guide.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/wedding-planning4.jpg

Let’s say you decide you don’t want to hire a wedding planner or a day of coordinator; you’d rather do the whole thing yourself. Where do you begin?

First. Create a list of things that are associated with planning the wedding. What does this mean?

• Wedding party (who can help you with the rest!)
• Guestlist (kids or no kids?)
• Theme/Type of wedding (religious, outdoors, cultural, Spring wedding, color scheme)
• Time of year of the wedding
• Location of the wedding (city and specific location)
• Location of the reception (if different from the wedding ceremony)
• Save the Dates
• Invitations
• Food/Menu/Drinks (Catering generally)
• Wedding Cake or Cupcake cake (wedding toppers)
• Music (for both the wedding and reception)
• Attire (dress/suit - for the people getting hitched AND the wedding party)
• Florist
• Decorations (including linens, centerpieces)
• Photographer/Videographer
• Gift registry/other gift options
• Thank you cards
• Wedding rings
• Officiant for the wedding ceremony
• Misc: Guestbook, favors, seating chart, options - photobooth, ice sculptures, chocolate fountains, other entertainment
• Wedding license
• Hotels for guests
• Transportation for guests (from hotel to site, etc)

(Did I miss any? Let me know!)

Second. Create a budget. And be realistic! Keep in mind that the cost of MOST of the above depend on the number of guests.

Third. Take an item one at a time. Don’t try to do too much at once and ask for help along the way! Each of the items on that list involves many subparts to think about. For example, with food - buffet verses serving, fixed menu, vegetarian options, etc. Or, what will your guests do between the ceremony & reception if you have time in between?

Fourth. Stay organized!Here is a list of suggestions as to what to handle first! And also, I suggest splitting up the planning of the wedding ceremony verses the planning of the wedding reception.  You can use Google to help you with the organization, too!  The Wedding Mapper also helps you with organization and planning.

Do you have other suggestions?

~ Natasha

One of the trends in wedding planning these days is the destination wedding. It’s a whole lot easier now than it used to be! Readers want to know - what are the pros and cons of doing a destination wedding?

photo from http://destinationweddingblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/wedding-beach-sunset.jpg

I should note that there may or may not be cost savings.  That wasn’t helpful, right? Well, cost is always dependent on the choices you make. So you could pick a location where the florist is cheaper, but the food is more expensive. Or getting to the location might cost more than what you would save in food and florist.  That said, in this economy (ie a recession), the United States is probably the cheapest place to get married now.

Why have a destination wedding?

• You want a smaller wedding, with just family & close friends
• You want an exotic location, so as to partially combine the wedding & honeymoon
• Could be easier to plan if you let a travel advisor/professional take care of the whole thing

Why avoid a destination wedding?

• Some of your close friends and family may not be able to be there
• Red tape with planning from abroad
• Legal issues with getting married abroad
• You don’t get to escape your guests on your honeymoon! (which obviously depends on how long everyone sticks around)

Obviously this is a difficult comparison and a very personal decision. If you DO decide to have a destination wedding, here are a few resources:  Ultimate Destination Weddings is one resource written by a couple who gives advice based on their own experiences of planning a destination wedding; Destination Weddings & Honeymoons Magazine gives great ideas on locations; DestinationWeddingBlog also discusses issues and topics related to destination weddings.

~ Natasha

The wedding planner seems to fall into three categories: 1) A wedding planner to plan the whole wedding, from start to finish ; 2) A Day of Coordinator (DOC) to deal with the minute details of the day; 3) A planner that is required by the venue.

Category 3 is obviously the most difficult because some venues tell you that they want to deal with a planner - not with you.  Find this out BEFORE you do too much planning! It would be a shame to have to hire a planner to take over after you’ve done all the legwork.  That said, there can still be two advantages to doing that legwork. First, you might be able to negotiate a lower price for the planner and second, the planner may be able to get you a better deal on the things you’ve already worked out.

As between Category 1 & 2 — it depends on what you’re looking for. Do you want someone to help you through the whole process? Negotiate the contracts and prices and ensure you’re getting a good price (though remember! you are paying the person!)? Or do you only need someone to make sure the final details work out on the day of? That things are delivered on time and correctly?

If you want to do the planning on your own, then there are a plethora of websites (including THIS ONE!) to help you with details of planning. Green Wedding Planner gives you ideas for a green wedding, ensuring that you pick eco-friendly options. My Wedding Blog has links to various topics with suggestions and ideas.  And Perfect Wedding Blog is another fabulous resource that gives you plenty of ideas and things to think about.

If you decide you want to get a coordinator, The Wedding Bee gives (from a male’s perspective) some things to look out for when selecting a coordinator (which apply to both day of and full fledged planners). For example, a good planner should be professional and personable.  He/she should be able to “hold their own” with vendors and not get trampled! And the planner should be able to CALM the two who are getting married! It’s stressful enough and the planner should definitely NOT add to that stress.

Happy Planning!

~ Natasha

One of the best wedding favors I have ever seen is a little card that was placed at each seat which read (something like): “In lieu of a wedding favor, a donation has been made to the American Cancer Society.” It was a wonderful favor, partly because a close relative of one of of the people in the wedding party had recently passed away from cancer and because it financial sense for the couple to do so.

Sample Card from the ADA, located https://www.diabetes.org/img/donate_steps/wedding/440x480tent-card.jpg

If you decide to do a donation in lieu of a favor, make sure that you do not donate to something that would be offensive to the guests — ie a political organization. Also, be sure not to donate in the guest’s name. You might think that you came up with a neutral organization, but some people may not want their name associated with that kind of contribution.  

If you would rather give a favor that the guests can take home, there are plenty of great ideas out there. Here’s a brief list:

• Box of tea
• A plant (like bamboo)
• Eco-friendly grocery bags
• Chopsticks engraved with the couples name & wedding date
• An ornament (if it’s a winter wedding)
• Candles
• A 2×2 wedding favor box filled with candy

Want more ideas? MyWeddingFavorsBlog.Com offers links to a variety of different kinds of favors (including how much they are and where to buy them).

Happy Favoring!

~ Natasha

What should you do for your centerpiece? Most people do an arrangement of flowers, but you don’t have to! There are plenty of other options out there.

First, if you choose to do a favor for your guests, you can put that as the centerpiece.  I have seen bottles of wine (wrapped in a box) and fancy tea in a box stacked up cleverly to form the center piece. It’s practical and it allows you to use the center of the table (because people can take their favor and put it with their other belongings).

Use an arrangement with candles or use floating candles. It sets a mood and gives you lighting - as well as looking nice.  Here are some photos for DIY candle centerpieces.

Or how about fish in a vase or pretty bowl. The picture makes it look much more classy than I can even begin to describe. 

Photo from Sara Gray: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/571027/nonfloral_wedding_centerpieces.html?image=210105&cat=23

Be creative with the theme, location, or color scheme! If you are getting married in New York, perhaps you can incorporate a basket of apples (get it? Big Apple?)

You can also create a “bowl of wishes.” Associated Content describes it best — pick a nice bowl, cut strips of paper, and ask your guests to write their wishes for you and put them in the bowl. It’s very creative and gets your guests involved! 

Another idea is to get a vase and fill it with little rocks or stones or something pretty like that. It is probably less expensive than flowers but can look just as classy.

Do you have other ideas?

~ Natasha

You picked a reception site and you picked out a few hotels that you’re recommending your guests stay at. (Hopefully you’ve also blocked off rooms so that your guests can book their rooms more easily too!) If the hotels and the reception site are not near each other, I strongly recommend that you do *something* about transportation for your guests.

Why? Because the reality is that people drink at receptions. And you do not NOT not want your guests to drink and drive!  One friend told me that he figured either his friends would drink and drive OR they wouldn’t enjoy themselves as much because they were acting as designated driver. Either way - those are two reasons to deal with transportation.

You can pretty much do anything from hiring a shuttle bus to providing taxi cab phone numbers. Obviously that depends on your budget!

As a guest in an unfamiliar city, it was particularly nice to have a shuttle pick us up at the hotel, take us to the wedding (and reception - which was at the same place), and then home again.  It was nice because I didn’t have to worry about directions and I didn’t need to pay for cab fare in both directions.

Photo from http://www.pacificharbour.co.nz/images/hotel/bus.jpg

Note: Sometimes the hotel provides shuttle services — which could range from being free to a fixed price (rather than per guest). 

Another friend couldn’t afford to provide that service and also felt that there were more people from the area than out of town. In that case, a cab that we paid for ourselves was a better option.  The hotel usually has preferred cab companies, but it also is nice if that phone number is given to guests before the day.

A green option is to make sure that the wedding site, reception site, and hotels are so close together that transportation is not needed. Perhaps they would all be the same place!

One site makes a recommendation if a guest gets too inebriated to drive and there are no transportation options: if the reception is at a hotel or near a hotel that is NOT the location where most people are staying, try to get a hotel room there.  Yes, it might not be cheap, but it is definitely safer.

I’m sure there are other options (tell us!). Just be sure to think about the reality of drinking and driving. They don’t mix.

~ Natasha

Photo from http://www.thebridesofoklahoma.com/suited-up

As a bridesmaid, I wasn’t worried about what the groomsmen did.  But I’ve discovered that there are decisions involved.  And here they are!

• Pick a tux that you want all groomsmen to have and ask them to rent that particular one.  Or, The Wedding Bee talks about a website that allows you to BUY tuxedos at a price of 3 for the price of 1 — meaning that it might be more economical to buy the same tux.
• If your groomsmen already own tuxes, have them wear their own.  If they don’t, you can just let them handle finding one that suits them. (No pun intended) Obviously if you do this, the tuxedos wont match the bridesmaids dresses.
• Alternatively, you can have the groomsmen that own tuxes wear theirs, but ask them to wear a certain tie or bowtie or vest or cumerbund. And if you’re the groom, you don’t have to match!
• If you are picking something trendy (And it turns out that there is a new trend in tuxedos at weddings - chocolate brown!) then it makes the most sense to have everyone rent.

All this comes down to how much you want everyone to match — the groomsmen matching each other and matching the bridesmaids — or not!

What are you going to do with your tuxes?

~ Natasha

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a lawyer in real life. (Looking for a job, I should mention!) I thought it would be interesting to talk about the different aspects of weddings & the law: what it means to be married and what legal issues arise with planning a wedding (ie prenuptial agreements and contracts with vendors).  There’s a lot here, so I’m going to break this into a few posts.

First, as a lawyer, I have to include a disclaimer. The following should not be considered legal advice. This is only legal information; if you need legal advice that is relevant to your own situation, you should talk to a lawyer. Okay? Okay. 

Second, I also disclaim any agreement with links that I’ve included. Most of them have legal information; some also contain an opinion. I don’t (and The Wedding Lens does not) agree or disagree with those statements or opinions.  I link to them for informational purposes only.

Legal Marriages

In most states, being married means that you have a marriage license, issued by the state or county in which you are getting married. Your marriage is subject to the laws of the state in which you get married.  What difference does that make?

Well, each state has different laws that apply to you upon marriage. Most of those laws have to do with estate planning, who gets what when you die, power of attorney, community property, and (sorry!) divorce.  Eg. We used to joke that you shouldn’t get married in New York if you ever expect to get divorced. NY has very strict divorce laws!

So if you get married in California, for example, the law presumes that all property acquired during marriage is community property.  That means that all of your earnings become community property and your bank account (the one with JUST your name on it) also becomes community property as soon as you deposit your first paycheck post-marriage.  Note: There are exceptions to the community property rule and the states that have community property laws are different!

If you don’t like what the law does - with community property, with who gets your property when you die, with anything - you can change it! How? Prenuptial agreements and wills! You can pretty much ensure that you can do whatever you want with your money and property, as long as you write it down (which is where I would advise you to talk to a lawyer to make sure you meet your state’s requirements for prenups and wills).

Common Law Marriages

Some states recognize common law marriages if you live together for a certain length of time. The states that recognize common law marriages may have differing requirements. Check with your state!

Religious Marriages

Religious marriages have NO impact on legal marriages. If you get married in a church, but you do not get a state license, you are not considered legally married.

Other States

I should mention that while all states recognize the marriages of opposite-gender couples, regardless of where the marriage takes place, this is not so for same-gender couples. So if a same-gender couple gets married in Massachusetts, another state does not have to recognize that marriage and the couples’ property rights (for example) may not change - even if they would with an opposite-gender couple. In fact, for US census purposes, same-gender married couples will not be counted as married. New York, however, does not itself allow same-gender marriages, but it DOES recognize those same-gender marriages performed in other states.

Again - this isn’t legal advice, just information.  It’s accurate to the best of my knowledge and understanding, but talk to a lawyer if you need advice on any of these topics. Stay tuned for Weddings, Marriages, & the Law - Part II!

~ Natasha

So you’re getting married and you want your friends and family to come, right?  Well, they have to know 1) that they’re invited and 2) when it is! This is where a save-the-date (STD) comes in. 

Photo from http://weddingo.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/beach_sd_large_thumb.jpg

When do you send them? As soon as possible! I have a friend who didn’t send out an STD until a couple months before the wedding - which made it really difficult for her friends and family to plan to be there.

Here are a few ideas for STDs - because it really doesn’t matter HOW it comes, so long as it comes!

• EMAIL. It’s easy. It’s quick.
• Magnet. From just the information to one with a photo and information. Here is a DIY Lego STD Magnet!
• A video! This one was particularly creative! 
• A postcard! You can include a photo of you on the front.
• A real card. With a photo, with information, with whatever you want!

Do you have creative ideas for STDs? Let us know!

~ Natasha

One of your friends is getting married and you just assumed you would be invited. But you’re not. Please do not be offended! Weddings are difficult. They require both people to contend with family invitation requirements - which may include family, friends, cultural obligations. And they cost money! Here are a few tips:

Run on the assumption that you are not invited.  While you would *love* to be there, you have to remember that it’s not always possible to include everyone under the sun.

If someone tells you they’re getting married and they tell you when, that is still not a save-the-date or an invitation. Don’t be disappointed if you receive neither.

Just because someone was a close friend or tells you the intimate details of the wedding planning, you may not be invited. I know! It’s just the reality. (Tip to the bride/groom: Don’t share the intimate details of the wedding planning with a formerly close friend - or anyone - who is not invited. It’s not very considerate of you.)

Obviously, there may be awkward situations where tact & understanding may not be the easiest route. Or you may not be as close to the couple as you thought.

If you do truly care about the couple, you’ll understand. And if you don’t get it or are angry about it - and you think it must be resolved to continue your friendship - then talk about it. Just bear in mind that you don’t want to bully your way into a wedding!

Good luck!

~ Natasha