Since I don’t have kids, I haven’t been conscious of people’s wedding invitations including or not including the children. But I know a lot of people feel very strongly one way or the other about whether kids should be included or not.
Until I spoke with a few friends about the kids issue, I didn’t really understand what the issue was. As I’ve said before, your wedding is a day to celebrate you and your partner’s love for each other. It does not need to be “perfect” and not everything will go as planned. And my perception was that a child at your wedding was not going to change that! After speaking with people about this issue, I can understand both sides.
If you don’t include children and you have close family members with kids, the family members may be very offended that their children are not invited. If you include family members’ kids but not friends’ kids, then your friends might be hurt or have to make a difficult decision. Some guests may decide not to attend if their kids can’t come.
But as my friend said, “anyone who doesn’t come to a wedding because they’re offended that their infant wasn’t invited is about as mature as the infant.” Unless, my friend disclaimed, it is a childcare issue.
My friend’s concern was that the kids would end up being the center of attention and that the parents of the kids would end up leaving the wedding early because of the children. I know other people are worried about budget issues with including the kids in the wedding.
So if you decide not to have kids at the wedding, what should you do? Perfect Memories Wedding Blog gives advice on how to prepare guests for the idea that their kids are not included and what to do to help make this easier on your guests (such as by providing babysitter service information for out-of-town guests). If it is a financial decision, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to make a phone call to explain the situation. It avoids hurt feelings and might make your guests feel more welcome! Another solution is to have an age cut-off so that children can come, but babies cannot come. That may be helpful depending on the ages of the kids.
You may not care if kids are there and may be sliding on the dancefloor during your first dance. I have another friend who wanted all of the family members’ kids and friends’ kids there to enjoy the celebration. She knew that the kids might be loud but she also felt like it was a family event and that she didn’t want to exclude family members because of their youth.
You have to do what’s right for you. Just be sure you handle the kids issue sensitively.
Do you plan to allow kids at your wedding or not? Tell us!
~Natasha
Great post! Thanks for the link love.
I’m working on another post about going to a wedding…. alone — and kid-free.
I went to a wedding in which the ceremony was interrupted - more than once - by the bride’s niece, who was (albeit joyfully) shouting “ME COLOR! ME COLOR!” while brandishing crayons and a coloring book. Cute? Sure, under other circumstances. But not in that situation!
My feeling on kids at weddings in general is this - little kids shouldn’t be forced to sit through wedding ceremonies and receptions (especially ones that go late into the night), and adults who want these events to remain adult shouldn’t have to worry about stepping on guests’ toes by insisting on a kid-free environment. If you want to include kids, good! Enjoy it! But if you don’t, I think you can politely and tactfully handle it and hope that your guests will understand.
Personally, I plan to have qualified, well-compensated babysitters taking care of the oh, say, ten-and-under set during my wedding. (”On-site and out-of-sight” is my goal, but we’ll see). And I sincerely hope that any guests with kids see this not as a slight of any kind, but as a way for them to enjoy a grown-up night (or at least few hours) out during which they won’t have to entertain their kids or worry about them running around driving other guests crazy.